


Perfect Day

by Talsi74656



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Epiphany, F/M, Injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-10
Updated: 2015-05-10
Packaged: 2018-03-29 21:21:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3911128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talsi74656/pseuds/Talsi74656
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An away mission goes wrong leaving Kathryn injured and the team cut off from Voyager.</p><p>Set mid season 7</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: They're not mine, I'd never be as cruel as canon was.
> 
> I'd really love some feed back. Feel free to comment :D I do bite, but I got a muzzle, I promise! Your comments will help me suck less with each story!
> 
> Thank you for taking the time to read it :)
> 
> Oh yeah, here's my tumblr if you want to follow. I'll be posting a lot more stories. https://www.tumblr.com/blog/talsi74656

Kathryn groaned an agonised, guttural sound as the world around her began to take shape once again. Her head swam, slow, sluggish; her chest – “ugh,” _must have broken a rib_. All memory of anything before was clouded, murky like her vision. She wanted to cry in pain – or she was crying in pain, she couldn’t tell.  
  
Her _head! Oh, how it ached!_  
  
“Come on, Kathryn, you need to move,” Chakotay’s firm voice said from nearby.  
  
She coughed, which turned out to be a big mistake. The vibrations shot through her ribs piercing and rending her inside.  
  
“They’re coming!” his serious tone helped her ignore the pain.  
  
Pushing herself up slowly, she wobbled and then fell back to her knees, with a grunt. Her _head!_ She – must have a conc- a concus – a head injury. Her heavy hand moved up to feel clumsily against her forehead for a cut, a bruise, a lump – she felt all three, from her right temple to the top of her head. Her hair was matted with drying blood.  
  
Her stomach turned and she felt her bottom jaw numb as though she might retch. With a deep breath she managed to stave off the sensation.  
  
“What are you doing, Kathryn? Get up, you need to move!” Chakotay’s urgent tone brought her back to the present. She pushed herself shakily to her feet and tapped her breast, looking for her comm badge. She had lost it. She patted her sides next, no tricauder, no phaser.  
  
Glancing around she found Chakotay by a doorway, he had none of those things either. He was however carrying something – a person? Unconscious?  
  
“What happened?” she asked groggily – at least, that’s what she tried to ask. The words came out in a jumble of syllables that she wasn’t sure sounded like anything, really. Her legs trembled again and she stumbled to her side falling into a desk of some kind. The action jarred her rib, bringing the nausea back in full force and she leant against the table awkwardly, as she attempted to hold herself together.  
  
While catching her breath she glanced around the small room, attempting to get her bearings. She couldn’t see much in this darkness. She made out a pair of chairs nearby and another door behind her. A smell caught her attention though, like smoke, soot and - tar maybe?  
  
Distantly she could hear a wailing sound, like a siren or an alarm.  
  
“We don’t have time, come on!” he barked, motioning for her to follow.  
  
Carefully she pushed herself off the desk hoping to catch the door frame, but missed by an inch falling to the floor, just short. Woozily she crawled forward grasping the frame and pulled herself up leaning on the wall for support, before following her first officer into a dark corridor.  
  
No end appeared in sight, but Chakotay continued to move, watching carefully in the darkness. Despite his burden he seemed ready to pounce like a tiger, but - more Human and less orange. She couldn’t help but wonder what he would do if something actually jumped out of the shadows at them.  
  
Her head _pounded_ furiously and her eyelids threatened to close with each step she took. Each time she leaned against the wall for even a breath too long, though, Chakotay was next to her, “come on, Kathryn, you’re not dying on this nameless rock. You need to get back to Voyager, to sickbay,” he told her.  
  
Murmuring something, even she wasn’t certain what; she staggered after him clutching at her side, trying to think of anything but the pain. Voyager, they needed to get back to Voyager. B’Elanna wanted to do that computer maintenance and – she was pregnant, they had to meet the baby!  
  
A sudden noise behind her made her jump out of her skin. At the noise, Chakotay moved into a side corridor, that she hadn’t even noticed. “In here!” he whispered.  
  
The corridor was just an access to a barred door that they probably weren’t going to get through. Chakotay let her move to the back leaning on the ancient broken door as he lay at the mouth ready to hit anything that came nearby. The dark crevice wasn’t big, with the three of them Kathryn felt a little claustrophobic.  
  
The smell of smoke seemed thicker down here and she couldn’t help but wonder if they were heading toward a fire. She trusted her first officer though, if anyone could get them back to Voyager he could.  
  
Her eyes closed again and the bobbing of her head jerked her awake with a force that sent a shock through her ribs. She cringed clutching at her side, grunting in pain.  
  
“Hey,” Chakotay’s soothing voice came from the darkness, “you’re going to be ok!” he said and she believed him. He was always right, even when she didn’t listen to him.  
  
“Can y- you tell me – what – um – what happened?” her words were slurred and dazed and she took a considerable amount of time trying to form them in the correct order.  
  
“You don’t remember?” he asked. He moved up to her examining her carefully, despite the darkness.  
  
“Um – we were – mm, no,” she uttered finally, resting her head back against the wall again.  
  
“Shh,” he whispered as a light peeked through from the direction they had entered the corridor.  
  
Chakotay put his burden down carefully, in front of Kathryn. She had no idea who the woman was. They wore a strange grey/blue uniform that reminded her of one the first Starfleet uniforms.  
  
Kathryn leaned into the corner of the wall, as she waited, completely aware that their pursuer would only need to turn his light into the corridor and they would be clearly visible. They relied on Chakotay’s ambush abilities or the hope that this person was just truly terrible at their job. She banked on the former, betting Chakotay’s strength against almost anything they were likely to come across.  
  
Chakotay stood over her again, “Kathryn, he’s gone, come on,” he said.  
  
She started realising that he was holding the woman again.  
  
_How did I get on the floor?_ Her confused question was one she had attempted to vocalise, but the words would not exit her mouth.  
  
Using the wall for leverage she pushed herself to her feet again, as Chakotay continued down the dark the corridor.  
  
“This way,” he motioned quietly for her to follow and she stumbled out after him trying not to fall into him with her ungainly meandering.  
  
He moved an arm out to steady her, but it wasn’t necessary, she found her feet – attached to her legs, thankfully. They proceeded again down the corridor and Kathryn had to ask again, “what – happened?” Her words were deliberately slow for fear she might mess them up completely. She managed to force them out without sounding drunk, well, not completely.  
  
“Seriously, how bad is that head wound?” he asked concerned. He had been keeping a slow pace, which she was thankful for, she couldn’t imagine he was having an easy time carrying – whoever that was.  
  
“I – think it’s – bad,” she mumbled.  
  
“You have a concussion.”  
  
_That was the word!_  
  
“Not my first,” the slurred.  
  
“Tau Ceti Prime,” he commented.  
  
The memory of an icy field sprang into her mind and she felt the bitter pang of her father and Justin’s deaths once again. The hand across her ribs moved over her heart as she tried to control her emotions. She missed her father and Justin terribly; they had been her guiding post for so long. Then Mark though he was more a stepping stone than a guiding post.  
  
She glanced at Chakotay’s back as he wound around a corner. Chakotay was – something else entirely. He was a rock, a shelter, a – _bathtub!_  
  
Following him around the corner her legs were becoming more and more fatigued, wobbly. She wasn’t certain how much longer she could walk, but she didn’t want to add to Chakotay’s burden.  
  
This corridor was lined with broad windows showing a moonless night, though, the lack of artificial lighting around made the stars look – extraordinary. She could see buildings in the distance, snow covering the ground and trees between.  
  
Her focus returned to her first officer, who shifted the woman in his arms uncomfortably. If she didn’t have Chakotay on this – trip? Well, she’d probably have murdered someone by now; she _certainly_ would have faced a mutiny. More than that, though, he kept her sane, he – grounded her. He was her Earth.  
  
She stopped dead in her tracks with the realisation that she had been comparing Chakotay to Justin or Mark – more Justin. _Above Justin?_ She _truly_ couldn’t imagine her life without him and the thought frightened her more than being assimilated, or never making it home – or no coffee!  
  
“What’s wrong?” he asked.  
  
“I -” she attempted to speak, but couldn’t find any words again. This time her injury had little to do with her inability to form a sentence. “No-nothing,” she babbled, continuing behind him.  
  
“There’s got to be some way to contact Voyager around here somewhere, or a way out of this building,” he said, glancing into an open door they passed.  
  
She nodded slowly, agreeing with the statement. Eventually Chakotay moved into one of the rooms that lined the right wall, obviously seeing something worth the time. He lay the woman down on a cold bench in the middle and began to examine her closely. Kathryn couldn’t help but feel a little jealous at the attention she was receiving, which was ridiculous of course. She leaned dumbly against the door frame until her first officer glanced up at her.  
  
“You should have a look around, there might be something in this room we can use,” he said quietly. He licked his lips as he concentrated and Kathryn wondered idly what that might taste like.  
  
She shook herself, trying desperately to focus on what needed to be done. _Find – something? Something to… contact Voyager_. She moved to one of the nearby benches starting to examine anything and everything that rested there. Some kind of PADD, she tapped at it squinting at the bright light in the darkness. Without the ability to read the language it was useless, though, so she tossed it onto the bench and continued.  
  
“Shh! What are you doing?” Chakotay snapped in a harsh whisper.  
  
She blinked at him uncertainly and his features softened.  
  
“Just, try to be quiet,” he whispered.  
  
Feeling suitably admonished, she pouted, but continued her search. The next item seemed to be some kind of scanning implement, similar to a tricauder, but far less sophisticated. _Technology –_ that _had something to do with why they were on this planet, didn’t it?_ Desperately she attempted to conjure the events before waking in the room with Chakotay, but nothing appeared. The last thing she remembered, she had been talking to Tuvok on Voyager, Tom made a joke about Neelix’ food and then – _nothing_ , she couldn’t remember anything else. The situation was frustrating, she had no idea what she was up against, and she didn’t even know why she was here.  
  
She glanced at the next object which seemed to be another scanning device or – no, those lines looked like frequencies – could this be a communicator of some kind?  
  
“I think – I found something to help,” she mumbled, moving to the table in the middle of the room.  
  
She showed the device to Chakotay and he shrugged, “don’t ask me, you’re better at that kind of thing than I am,” he said quietly, still checking the woman’s injuries.  
  
“Chakotay, I can hardly see,” she retorted with an indignant grogginess.  
  
“And I’m trying to make sure our friend here doesn’t die,” he responded.  
  
That was fair, though she couldn’t help but frown. Shaking her head in an attempt to focus she gazed at the device and realised it must work in conjunction with another object; something to scan for frequencies. With a sigh she moved back to the bench she had been at and picked up the second device, they seemed to lock together on the side. Once they became one unit a crackling could be heard, there was a small lever on the side of the first instrument. With a shrug she began to move it up.  
  
A violent noise crackled through the speakers, shocking her enough that she almost dropped it. Chakotay jumped and glared at her, “I think that’s the volume,” he said quickly.  
  
_No kidding._  
  
She returned the lever to its original position and began to push a small dial below a display. Readings began to appear on the screen and she frowned at them, unsure what to make of them.  
  
“I can’t - read this,” she grumbled.  
  
Chakotay glanced up briefly, “it’s mathematics, you love math,” he stated.  
  
She blinked a couple of times, staring at the display not exactly certain what she was looking for. After a moment a thought occurred to her, there were six lines on the screen could they indicate degrees? She moved the dial around watching one of the lines spike in the centre as the others flattened and a small grin appeared on her face, “you’re right,” she breathed in excitement.  
  
His face beamed into a brilliant grin in her peripheral vision and though she wanted to admire the view, she shook her head focussing on the device. Voyager was in orbit.  
  
“Did they have ships or satellites?” Kathryn asked dozily.  
  
Chakotay shrugged, “I’m not sure,” he replied. He seemed to be winding something around the woman’s arm, like a bandage, she must have been injured.  
  
Kathryn blew a breath through her lips, “I found something in orbit,” she told him.  
  
“Could be Voyager,” Chakotay said.  
  
Kathryn stared at it, her vision blurred and she felt as though her senses were slipping. “Could be them,” she pointed out.  
  
“Try them,” Chakotay prompted.  
  
With a small sigh she touched the small button on the side of the device.  
  
“Janeway – to Voyager,” she called, she heard just how slurred and gruff she sounded. Her concentration was faltering more now than it had been earlier.  
  
There was a long pause before Tuvok’s voice answered, “Voyager here, Captain, I am glad to hear that you are alright,” the Vulcan said.  
  
“We are fine, but we need – to get out of here,” she said slowly.  
  
“Captain, your transmission is breaking up. There is a shield around the building you were beamed to, if you can breach the shield we can get a lock on you,” Tuvok said.  
  
His voice came through crystal clear; the interference must solely be on Voyager’s end.  
  
“The – Commander and I – uh, we’ll make our way there,” she mumbled.  
  
“I beg your pardon, Captain?” the Vulcan asked politely.  
  
Kathryn was about to reiterate when the transmission cut. She jumped at the cracking noise the device produced.  
  
“We should go, that probably means they know where we are,” Chakotay suggested. He lifted the unconscious woman into his arms again and motioned toward the door.  
  
Kathryn managed to get her legs to walk again, though she still needed to lean against the wall for support. She followed Chakotay back into the hallway and they began in the direction they had been heading. Her stomach began to turn as they proceeded along and, in an effort to keep her dinner in its place, she stopped along the wall.  
  
“Dammit, Kathryn, we don’t have time, come on,” Chakotay whispered angrily. She felt annoyed at his tone and made a mental note to lecture him on it later – once they’d returned to the ship.  
  
She tried to take a step, her legs almost caving under her. Or perhaps he could lecture himself once he returned to the ship. “I – don’t think-” she tried to tell him to go without her, but words were so jumbled.  
  
“Don’t you dare quit on me now,” he snapped quietly.  
  
She glanced at him, if anything happened to him because she was slowing him down, she would never forgive herself. “Go, you should go,” she tried. Her head dropped against the wall and she closed her eyes.  
  
“I am not leaving you here Kathryn, and I can’t carry both of you,” he growled. “You can do this,” he added a moment later in a softer tone.  
  
She breathed a long, deep and exhausted breath.  
  
He stood before her now, “for me, Kathryn,” he encouraged her, “I don’t want to be Captain.”  
  
“Me neither,” she joked in a faint voice. With a great effort she forced her feet to take a step and then another. Each was unsteady, painful and draining. Without the wall she’d be on the floor in seconds so what the hell was she going to do when they were outside?  
  
“That’s not exactly the spirit I was going for,” he commented. “At least you’re moving, I guess.”  
  
She smirked and pushed herself along, wishing there was some light in the corridor, she could barely see a thing now. All she had was Chakotay’s direction and she thanked any deity that might be listening he was with her now.  
  
“This door leads outside,” he whispered suddenly and Kathryn realised she had been resting against a wall once again. She shook her head and glanced at the hatch staring at the pad beside it.  
  
“Can you – open it?” she asked slowly.  
  
He glanced back at her with a frown, “maybe you should take a look?” he said motioning to the woman in his arms again. Whoever she was, she seemed to be more trouble than she was worth!  
  
Kathryn stumbled forward holding carefully to the wall and keeping her feet as flat on the ground as she could. She had to move her face right up to the control panel, before a strange thought struck her, _was the door even locked?_ She pushed on it and it opened into a bitter, freezing snow-covered yard.  
  
The door was open for maybe a second before a _blaring_ and altogether irritating alarm began to sound overhead. The proximity of the noise and the volume made her want to throw up. The shock of the noise unsteadied her and she almost fell to the ground. Thankfully she managed to grab the door frame just in time. If she fell now, she was certain she wouldn’t be able to stand again.  
  



	2. Chapter 2

“That’s our cue, Kathryn, come on, let’s go,” Chakotay moved past her out the door, heading into the frozen field.

She grimaced as she forced herself from her perch, stumbling forward. Each step took a great deal of concentration and she felt as though her legs were going to buckle. The blazing pain in her head seemed to intensify within the icy atmosphere. Desperately she pushed on, following after Chakotay who, despite his burden, seemed to have little difficulty crossing the snow.

“Wait, Chakotay,” she breathed painfully.

He stopped and shook his head, “we don’t have time, Kathryn, you can do this, come on,” he yelled over the alarm.

Sucking in a deep breath, she persevered trying desperately to ignore her weakening limbs and the pounding in her brain.

_Think of something else_ , she reminded herself. The Doctor – he had another holo-photography show he wanted to display later this week. She cringed, that wasn’t exactly something to aim to get back for. She laughed earning a curious glance from Chakotay. She was surprised he could hear over the deafening alarm.

Tuvok had said recently that his family were doing well, that – was nice. She _wanted_ to see T’Pel again. Tom was overjoyed at the prospect of becoming a father. Harry was – well, he was Harry – _why hadn’t she promoted him yet?_

Her legs moved through the snow driven by nothing but thoughts of her crew and the desire to see them again. They meant everything to her and she had _promised_ to return them home. She would not be able to live with herself if she died here and was unable to fulfil that promise; she laughed again, _literally!_

At the thought of holding B’Elanna and Tom’s baby, she forced another step. At the image of pinning another pip on Harry’s collar, she pulled herself forward.

The sound of the alarm seemed far away now, though her injury and the howling wind probably dulled the sound somewhat.

The memory of Seven’s growing enthusiasm for parties put a small smile on her face and fuelled her next steps. Even the thought of leola root stew gave her the strength to trudge on.

She glanced up at Chakotay’s back and started when she realised he was no longer carrying anyone. “Chakotay?” Her weak question was barely audible, though he turned anyway.

He stopped and she took the opportunity to glance back toward the building they had come from. To her surprise it was all but hidden by the newly falling snow and the shadows of night. Only a glimmer of a light penetrated the darkness.

“Chakotay, where – is the woman?” she asked. Her teeth chattered in the chill air and her words were becoming more and more sluggish the longer she was awake.

“What woman?” he asked flatly.

She blinked uncertainly at him, “the woman – the – the one you were carrying,” she responded uncertainly.

“I was never carrying anyone, Kathryn,” he told her, “come on, you need to get back to Voyager,” he added quickly.

She paused running over their few conversations since she had awakened, he said ‘you,’ not, ‘we.’ “Chakotay,” she asked, surprised by her sober tone, “what happened?”

He frowned at her, “you tell me.”

Kathryn shook her head in frustration, this turned out to be a mistake and her head began to pound again.

A flash of memory returned to her – a function of some kind – she – she had been talking with the woman Chakotay had been carrying.

“We really should keep going,” Chakotay said after a moment. _Suddenly it was_ we?

“Who are you?” she asked carefully.

“Dammit, Kathryn, not now – let’s get back to Voyager,” he responded.

“No,” she felt weak anyway, she wasn’t sure she could walk anymore.

Chakotay sniffed and moved up to her, “yes,” he snapped.

“What happened?” she persisted her earlier line of questioning. She felt feint, but forced herself to remain standing. If this man had done something to Chakotay, she would kill him.

“You know what happened,” he answered cryptically.

“If I knew what happened - I wouldn’t be asking!” she growled in response.

“You just don’t remember yet.”

She blinked again and more images flashed through her mind, the blonde woman, her name was Cilia and they – they were there to trade.

“Come on, Kathryn. _Move!_ ” he ordered. He didn’t wait to see if she followed, continuing to trudge through the snow. Feeling that she had little choice but to stick with him, she continued to follow slowly though her limbs were frozen and weaker now, than before.

She forced her mind back to the negotiation, the festivity seemed similar to something Neelix may have organised. Chakotay was there – he was studying something which caught the Ambassador’s eye. Kathryn continued to mingle.

Numbly she moved forward realising that her hands were trembling now. Her legs stopped moving despite her efforts to get them going again. She glanced up realising Chakotay stood in front of her.

“Please, Kathryn, you can’t quit now,” he implored her.

She stood aching all over, barely able to focus, mind flicking back to the function. Cilia had pointed at something in the adjoining room and Chakotay followed her to look at it. “Why don’t you help me?” she asked faintly.

“You know why,” he responded.

Through the painful thudding in her head she remembered, “there was – an explosion,” she whispered. She remembered the blast ripping through the wall in front of her, a shard of debris slamming into her forehead, before she had time to raise a hand in defence. Her eyes flicked to him, “from the – from the room you were in,” she realised slowly.

He nodded, “I’m not really here, Kathryn,” he explained, “I died in that explosion.”

The memory sobered her instantly, her mind unclouded, and her thoughts clear for the first time since she’d woken.

Kathryn stared, stunned for a moment before her legs buckled and she sagged to the frozen ground. Every ounce of her strength and energy sapped from her bones as she hit the hard packed snow. “No,” she breathed, “please, no.”

The hallucination, ghost, illusion – whatever he was, hung his head, “I know you’re sad but your crew needs you, they can’t lose both of their commanders on the same day,” he said. “Get up, and get moving!”

Kathryn’s couldn’t bring herself to look at him, he wasn’t real after all. She felt desperately alone, crushed wholly in body and soul. _How could she move? How could she return to Voyager, how could she face that ship, without Chakotay?_ He had been so much a part of her these past years, his dedication and loyalty. He had stood by her side through Voyager’s worst days. He had held her up, kept her sane, kept her alive through _everything._

She couldn’t fathom a day without his supportive hand – without his jokes about her caffeine addiction. His beautiful smiling face flashed in her mind and her chest clenched, her breathing becoming stilted, stifling.

The stabbing in her side, the head wound, they were _nothing_ compared to this. She wanted to howl her pain to the universe, to give into the agonising grief.

“This isn’t you, Kathryn,” he attempted to encourage her again.

Her thoughts flicked to the time she had spent in her room after her father and Justin had died. For a part of her, he sure didn’t know her very well. “I can’t do this on my own,” she cried.

He knelt down in front of her and met her eyes, “you’re never alone, Kathryn, I’ve told you time and again that I’ll always be with you.”

His whispered statement punctuated her loss and she began to cry in a heaving pile of freezing limbs. Chakotay, the real Chakotay had told her on countless occasions that he would _always_ be by her side, she’d never truly appreciated the words, until now.

“You’re not _real_ ,” she sobbed. “The real Chakotay is dead.”

“I’m as real as you need me to be. Kathryn, please!” he tried again.

She ignored him hugging her legs and burying her face into her knees. How could he expect her to move, she felt as though her entire world was collapsing in on itself. She breathed a ragged breath and had to clutch a hand to her heart, for fear that it might splinter through her rib cage.

“Is this what Chakotay would want to you do?” he attempted.

_No._

“Come on, you’re stronger than this. You’ve beat the Borg, you’ve beat the Hirogen, you’ve even beat the Q,” his voice permeated the frozen wind as though he spoke directly into her ear, she supposed, in a way, he did.

She shook her head, “I can’t,” she whispered lamely.

“Yes, you can. Kathryn Janeway doesn’t get halted in her tracks by death – _come on_ ,” he growled again angrily.

When she didn’t react this time he stood, “suit yourself, but the person who killed Chakotay is out there somewhere,” he pointed forcefully toward the building. “If you get back to Voyager maybe you can drag a team down here, get some vengeance –”

She was not a revenge sort of person – ordinarily. Perhaps it was the head wound, or maybe it was her exhaustion in general, or there was a chance that she had just changed fundamentally as a person in recent years. Whatever the reason, revenge sounded fantastic. Her ice-cold fingers moved to wipe the tears from her eyes. Ignoring the pain in her side and head, she stood and began to haul herself through the snow once again.

“Much better,” her companion said.

“You’re still here,” she questioned.

“Always,” he repeated.

“Always,” she echoed in a frozen breath. _Always_ ; until the day she died she would hold that word close to her heart. That was _her_ word, hers and hers alone.

The cold had seeped well into her clothes and she had lost all feeling in her toes and fingers. Her nose and ears burned and countless times she wanted to slump into the snow, to give in, but each time Chakotay’s ghost was there, encouraging her to move.

He talked her through what felt like hours of trudging through the snow, shivering terribly. In her mind she knew that, injured as she was, she certainly should have collapsed by now. Her body shouldn’t have been able to take this kind of punishment, even if she had been at the peak of health. But he kept her moving, he kept her warm, he kept her cognisant – or whatever passed for cognisant, while she was hallucinating that his image was following her around.

He was, in death, as in life, every part the man who had kept her sane all these years. He was the man who guided her, protected her and encouraged her. She pushed through her heartache, vowing to make it back to Voyager for him. There would be time to mourn after she had ripped this world asunder.

Pushing on she finally reached some kind of small tower-like structure, which appeared to connect to the force-field Tuvok had mentioned. She moved low as she approached the lit building, grimacing at the stabbing in her side. There were no windows visible, light protruded from a small slit in the door on this side of the tower. As far as she could see there was no one guarding the outside either.

Hobbling toward the structure, she began to feel quite naked without a tricauder and phaser. She pressed her ear to the door, but all she could hear was the soft whoosh of the blustering, icy wind.

“You don’t have time to dawdle,” her companion reminded her.

She blinked uncertainly at him, but still hazy and befuddled from her head wound, she pushed through the door.

The man inside stared at her in shock before realising that she was not meant to be there. He lunged toward a console across the small control room.

Kathryn darted forward fist first, connecting a blow to his temple that sent him instantly to the ground. The vibrations from the punch sent a jolt of pain into her ribs and she just about doubled over.

“No time for pain either,” the Chakotay hallucination spoke again.

She glowered at him from her half kneeling position, before limping forward to check the man’s vitals. He was alive, though she doubted that he would be getting up any time soon.

“This seems too easy,” she grumbled.

“Good, we like easy when you’re injured and I doubt you could fight a real guard,” the ghost spoke.

She glanced back at the man on the ground wondering whether he had been armed. He had obviously been no trained soldier, if he had a weapon he hadn’t gone for it. Delicately she knelt beside his form and patted his pockets finding a couple of small devices. She had less than no idea what they did however. There was one that looked vaguely weapon like.

“Test it on the consoles, you could get lucky and bring down the shield,” her hallucination suggested.

“I could get unlucky and shoot myself,” she retorted, “or bring everyone within the shield down on me,” she added with a frown.

“What else are you going to do? Press buttons aimlessly? That could bring everyone just as easily and it would waste time you _don’t have._ ”

She stared at the device wishing to god that the room would stop spinning so she could concentrate. Not that concentrating was doing her much good now.

A voice coming from one of the panels made her jump and she almost dropped the weapon. The voice had an enquiring tone and she stared blankly at the man on the ground who was _probably_ being asked a question.

“You have to do something,” her hallucination told her.

The voice spoke again, this time its pitch changed to an urgent tone.

With a sigh she turned what she _hoped_ was the tip of the weapon on the console, “here goes,” she muttered. As she squeezed the trigger she closed her eyes and almost jumped from the deafening blast as the weapon fired. The console erupted in a shower of sparks and Kathryn had to shield herself from the resulting blaze. The lights dimmed, all of the consoles went dead and she stared around the black room in shock.

“I think it worked,” her companion exclaimed.

For a brief glimmer of a moment she was elated, until she heard another siren pierce the air once again. This alarm held a vastly different signal from the others she’d heard earlier. Its keening cry blasted through the air at an excruciating volume and she was _certain_ there wasn’t a person on the entire base who hadn’t heard it.

“Time to go!” Chakotay’s ghost said in a rush.

Kathryn clutched at her ribs again as she moved back to the door and pushed her way, back out into the bitter frost. She hadn’t realised just how warm the room had been until she was standing in the pure white snow, losing the feeling in her extremities once again.

She pulled the communication device from her pocket and played with the dials again, though they were significantly more blurred than they were on her last attempt. A crackle told her she had found something.

“Janeway to Voyager,” she rasped, grimacing at the sound of her voice.

A moment of static answered her. She adjusted the second dial a minute distance and tried again.

“Janeway to Voyager,” a sound in the distance, over the blaring alarm, caught her ears. Using the building as leverage, she began to move around the side waiting desperately to hear from her ship.

There were definitely noises coming from behind her, yes, people she thought. Lots of them, she realised.

“Voyager here, Captain,” Tuvok’s voice answered quickly.

“The shield – is down,” she told the device.

“I’m sorry, Captain, I am having difficulty hearing you, there is a lot of interference,” Tuvok responded.

She knew that Voyager would be able to detect that the shield had gone down anyway, but for safety sake she wanted to repeat herself. Kathryn moved away from the building, away from where the shield had been and tried again.

“The shield is down,” she put the remnants of her energy into the message.

“We still cannot read you, Captain,” he responded. Kathryn sighed, dejected and she slumped in exhaustion. “However, our sensors indicated that the shield around the complex has collapsed. We are under attack at present, but we shall attempt to transport you aboard at the soonest available opportunity. Please standby.”

Kathryn breathed another sigh, at her short-lived relief before realising just how close the voices were now. She had skirted the building around them but from the sound of it, there was an entire army chasing after her, through the snow.

Staggering away from the building, away from the voices, Kathryn moved out into the darkness.

She wondered whether Voyager knew of her predicament.

A bolt of blue energy exploded into the snow, inches to her right and she stumbled to the side falling face first onto the damp ground. She rolled over and fired back at the group, only knowing whether she landed a hit when there was a distant cry. Another blue bolt struck the ground too close to her head for comfort. She knew that she needed to get up, to move, but her body was spent.

The weapons fire shot all around her and she realised they couldn’t see where she lay, though they would be on her in moments.

“I guess you’re not going to get your revenge today,” she whispered painfully to the wind.

Tuvok’s timing couldn’t have been better; she felt the transporter catch her as the mob of angry soldiers came into view.

Kathryn lay on a bio-bed in sickbay, the Chakotay hallucination standing beside her as the Doctor raced to her side, with a medical tricauder in hand.

Voyager rocked and Kathryn grimaced as her ribs jarred in her side.

She fixed her eyes on her companion, watching him as he smiled lightly behind the Doctor’s shoulder.

“Captain,” the Doctor began urgently, reading from the scanner. “You have internal bleeding, a severe concussion, three broken ribs and a mild case of hypothermia, I’m going to need to operate,” he dashed to the wall to grab the cart.

She glanced at the Doctor and then back at her hallucination quickly, if the hologram operated her ghost would be gone. The heartache from earlier set in again, she couldn’t lose him, she wasn’t ready to live her life without Chakotay – even a dream of him.

“Doctor, can I have a minute in private,” she asked slowly.

He gave her a concerned, but rather frank frown, “I’m afraid not, Captain -” he grumbled.

“Doctor!” She snapped with a firm glare.

His brow furrowed and he shook his head sighing, “ _one minute_ , Captain, and then I _need_ to operate,” he said, moving for the door.

She waited for the doors to his shut before turning her gaze to Chakotay’s ghost, “when I wake, you’ll be gone,” she said mournfully.

“I will,” he agreed, “but you won’t. Your crew needs you,” he added after a short moment.

“I – I can’t do this without you,” she whispered, heart-broken.

“Of course you can, Kathryn, you just _did_ ,” he told her firmly.

Voyager rocked again and she clutched the side of the bed.

“They’re in combat, Kathryn. They can’t deal with this now, you need to get the surgery, recover, go to my funeral, tell everyone how much you loved me and then you need to let me go. You _need_ to be the Captain.”

His words tore at her heart as surely as his funeral would. She broke down sobbing at his image.

The ship jolted once again and the Doctor stormed back in, “I’m sorry, Captain, I can’t wait any longer.”

She felt rather self-conscious about crying in front of a member of the crew, but she knew that when the funeral came she wouldn’t be able to hold herself back. With a nod she lay back on the bio-bed, a moment later a hypospray touched her neck and blackness descended.


	3. Chapter 3

_Free and happy she ran alongside the graceful, grey wolf, feeling the wind through her hair as they bounded from snow pile to snow pile. The wolf sank deep into each mound before bounding out, covered in icy white powder._  
  
_The wolf wanted nothing more than to play, she rolled around kicking up slush and bounded around Kathryn’s feet eager to chase and be chased._  
  
_‘We’ve done this forever, haven’t we,’ Kathryn commented, ducking as the animal lunged toward her. She heard the wolf splatter into the snow behind her with a delighted bark._  
  
_‘Always,’ the wolf responded._  
  
_She laughed and picked up a handful of snow tossing it in the animal’s direction. The remains of her meagre snowball collected the wolf’s hind-quarters and she yelped in mock pain, before diving under the snow._  
  
_The animal breached next to Kathryn, knocking her backwards and then pranced over to her, shaking the slush from her coat. Kathryn laughed, protecting her face as she mud and muck spattered all over her._  
  
_‘Thanks for that,’ she griped, wiping a chunk of detritus from her forehead and hair._  
  
_‘The pleasure was mine, thank you for the game.’_

******

The first thing Kathryn could smell as she began to regain consciousness was coffee. The deliciously tantalising scent permeated her semi-conscious state, drawing her awake with a smile.  
  
Her eyes fluttered open and she took a moment to realise where she was, sickbay. A beautiful dimpled smile greeted her and she stared at it in wonder. “You’re still here,” she muttered to her hallucination.  
  
“Welcome back, Kathryn,” he responded softly. His hand moved up revealing a mug, “I brought you some coffee, don’t tell the Doctor,” he said.  
  
She glanced down at the mug uncertainly before sitting up slowly. Warily she reached a hand for the mug.  
  
He sniffed in amusement, “The Doctor won’t be gone forever, I’d drink it now while you have the chance.”  
  
Her hand touched the mug and her heart almost leapt from her chest at the feel of the Starfleet issue steel and plastic cup. Her face must have lit up because he gave a small laugh. _Not an hallucination!_  
  
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this excited for coffee before,” he joked. His hand fell on her arm and he gave it a gentle squeeze. She could feel him, he _was_ still alive!  
  
She gave him a small, thankful smile, “it’s not the coffee,” she admitted freely.  
  
He blinked, this piqued his interest. She thought he might be about to enquire further, but the doors hissed open.  
  
The Doctor eyed the cup in Kathryn’s hand sourly, “and to think I allowed you to visit,” he chided Chakotay.  
  
Her first officer gave a cheeky grin and shrugged.  
  
“Out!” the Doctor commanded, he approached the bio-bed making a move to snatch the cup from Kathryn’s grasp.  
  
She pulled her hands away and glowered at him until he relented.  
  
The hologram sighed, “the Captain needs her rest, she can have visitors _later_ ,” he growled.  
  
Chakotay turned back to her, “I’ll come back for lunch,” he promised.  
  
She nodded with a smile, heart swelling with anticipation already.  
  
“No more coffee!” the Doctor snapped as Chakotay headed out the door.  
  
He turned back to her, eyeing the mug dangerously, “you _really_ shouldn’t be drinking that,” he griped.  
  
She raised a brow, “just try and stop me,” she responded playfully – though if he did actually try she wasn’t beyond decompiling his program. This coffee was a symbol of the friend she’d thought she had lost. She had no intention of giving it up and she may even keep the mug once she was done with it.

******

She sat up again the moment the doors hissed open and smiled brightly at her lunch companion, who had brought a rather delicious smelling soup of some kind, on a tray, complete with pink rose. Her heart lifted at the sight of him.  
  
He returned her grin eagerly and took the seat next to her, resting the tray on the diagnostic arm. The Doctor would have a fit if he saw that, but she didn’t care, obviously, neither did Chakotay.  
  
“I hope you don’t mind, but I didn’t bring coffee this time,” her first officer said.  
  
“More intimidated by the Doctor than me, hmm?” she teased.  
  
He frowned as though thinking about it before shaking his head, “not even remotely,” he said with a laugh.  
  
She chuckled lightly before turning her attention to the meal he had brought.  
  
“It’s a fairly simple potato and leek soup,” he told her, removing the lid to one of the two small bowls on the tray.  
  
The smell was incredible and she wondered just how ‘simple’ it actually was. He handed her a spoon and she dug in eagerly, not realising exactly how hungry she was until the first delicious mouthful passed her lips.  
  
He really was an exceptional cook, so much so that sometimes she wished she could oust Neelix from the kitchen and put Chakotay there in his stead. Of course she never wanted to give him up as her first officer.  
  
She took another sip, delighting in the hint of cream and salt, the perfectly cooked potatoes, the crunch of the leek and she tried desperately to figure out what other ingredients he’d slipped in the bowl. She had no idea of course, that was probably why she was no good at cooking. Sure she could get the basics, but anything more turned out as unpalatable mush, you’d sooner use to clean the injection manifolds, than ingest.  
  
Not long into their meal she felt his eyes lingering on her and she glanced at him curiously.  
  
He grinned bashfully at being caught, not that he’d been trying to hide it well. He glanced quickly at the ground, “I was worried about you,” he confessed.  
  
She frowned inquisitively at him and it occurred to her that she still had no idea what had actually happened to him. She made a move to ask, but he beat her to the punch.  
  
“How did you get out of there?” he asked sounding rather baffled.  
  
She wanted to tell him her story, she wanted to tell him everything, but she couldn’t do so here, in sickbay.  
  
“I tell you what. I’ll tell you _my_ story over dinner, if you tell me how the hell we got there in the first place, now,” she countered.  
  
He gave a smile and nodded, “deal,” he agreed.  
  
She sat up, eager to listen still sipping at her incredible soup.  
  
He cleared his throat and put his own bowl on the tray. “What do you remember?” he asked.  
  
She frowned and shook her head to indicate that she recalled basically nothing of their away mission.  
  
He nodded, “we made contact with the Illundi a few days ago,” he began. “Their ambassador, Cilia, invited us to a function once we arrived in orbit. They were hoping to trade for star-maps and medical supplies, so we were happy to discuss trade. You, Neelix, Megan, Harry and I all transported down to the facility and the Ambassador began to show us around.” He seemed to be gauging her reaction as he spoke.  
  
With a smile she prompted him to continue.  
  
“They had organised a celebration for us, a dinner at a museum in the southern edge of the compound you were trapped.”  
  
“A museum?” she questioned thinking of the dark and baron halls.  
  
“That’s not where you ended up, but I’m getting to that,” he continued with a smile.  
  
“Sorry,” she apologised for interrupting and put on her best attentive face.  
  
He smiled warmly at her reaction and continued. “After the dinner we were allowed to take a look around at some of the artworks. I was examining a small statuette that reminded me of an ancient Mayan piece my father procured, when I was young.” He seemed to perk at the memory and she thought he was about to explain the design, but he waved his hand skipping over it.  
  
Kathryn made a mental note to ask him about the design later on.  
  
“The Ambassador noticed my appreciation of the idol and showed me to the next room where there were more like it.” She got the distinct impression he was glossing over the conversation; the Ambassador had probably gone into great detail about the origins and history of the objects. She was almost sad that he was leaving these details out; she added this to the list of things to talk about later.  
  
“While we were talking a young Illundi entered the room wearing their military uniform. The Ambassador told him he should be guarding the reception hall, but he ignored her. I _instantly_ knew something was going on – I should have called for a beam out then and there but -” he sighed and shook his head, angry with himself.  
  
Kathryn gave him a concerned frown which he brushed off lightly.  
  
“He pulled a weapon and shot her, saying that the Illundi should be taking Voyager for its advanced technology,” he continued glumly. “I called for the away team to be beamed out as he touched something on his own vest; there was an explosion as we beamed back.” With another sigh his shoulders slumped, “Harry, Neelix, Megan and I made it back to the ship. I was injured by the blast.” He cleared his throat again and appeared more than a little uncomfortable, “whether it was your proximity to the blast or the shield going up, your transport was re-routed and you ended up in some abandoned facility, to the north of the compound.”  
  
She nodded to herself, thinking about the contents of the rooms and the boarded up doorway.  
  
“I was unconscious, here,” he spoke motioning to the room.  
  
“Which is why you weren’t on the bridge,” she realised.  
  
He nodded, “I only woke a short while before you contacted the ship, the Doctor booted me out, telling me that I’d be fine,” There was a glint of distress in his eyes, but it faded as swiftly as it appeared. “I had to laugh at that,” he finished with a chuckle.  
  
Kathryn grinned at the terminology, “what happened on the bridge?” she prompted, wondering whether he’d known about her predicament at the time.  
  
He shrugged with a small embarrassed smile, “I haven’t read Tuvok’s report yet,” he admitted with a chuckle.  
  
Giving a mock scandalized expression she drew a sharp breath, “does your Captain know?” she exclaimed.  
  
He laughed and shook his head, “no, you’re not going to tell her are you? She’s mighty intimidating,” he retorted.  
  
She pushed his arm playfully and shook her head.  
  
“Have you met her?” he asked with a stunned expression, “the woman’s downright un-killable!” He was about to continue when the doors hissed open again and Kathryn’s smiling face fell on B’Elanna.  
  
“B’Elanna! How are you?” she asked instantly.  
  
B’Elanna clutched her pregnant belly and laughed, “Only _you_ could ask that question after the ordeal you just went through,” the engineer responded.  
  
Kathryn shook her head, brushing the comment off.  
  
“I’m good, Captain, just here for my check-up, how are you?” B’Elanna asked, moving over to them.  
  
Kathryn glanced down at the bowl in front of her thinking about everything that could have gone wrong before smiling broadly, “I am fantastic,” she answered.  
  
This earned her a pair of interested glances, but she merely grinned in response.  
  
Chakotay stood and put the lids back on their bowls. “Well, I should get back to the bridge, before the Doctor sees what a mess you’ve made,” he said.  
  
She glared at him with wide mouthed indignation, but snatched the rose off the tray before he was able to draw it away. The flower smelled delightful and she held it close as he turned and exited the room with a brilliant grin.  
  
Watching the door her mind began to run through everything the illusion had done for her on the surface. Chakotay hadn’t lied; he truly would always be there for her. Perhaps she could be there for him too? Before the door had hissed shut completely she smiled, she knew she loved him, she had for some time. Now, the time had come to tell him, to show him.  
  
B’Elanna seemed to be examining the corner of the room with great interest, before the door hissed shut and she turned back.  
  
“So, fantastic huh?” B’Elanna asked, still keeping her eyes on the wall.  
  
Kathryn smiled, “absolutely,” she replied.  
  
The engineer glanced back at her, her expression going dark for the briefest moment. “I’m glad you’re back, Captain, we were all very worried.” Her gaze flicked to the door as though indicating that Chakotay was a good deal of ‘we all.’  
  
Kathryn wasn’t entirely too sure how to respond to that, but it put a slight dampener on her mood. She frowned trying not to think of what had happened on the planet and how much pain she had been in.  
  
B’Elanna took the seat next to Kathryn grunting awkwardly as she sat. “We didn’t even know you’d survived until you contacted the ship,” she stated with a distant frown.  
  
“Oh,” Kathryn muttered. She wondered how long that had been exactly.  
  
“Sorry, Captain, I shouldn’t have brought it up,” B’Elanna apologised, shaking her hands in a placating manor.  
  
“No, B’Elanna, it’s alright,” she amended quickly. “I had too much to look forward to, not to make it back,” she added, flicking a glance and fond smile toward B’Elanna’s belly.  
  
The engineer’s spirit’s lifted immeasurably at the comment. She lunged across and hugged Kathryn in a tight embrace.  
  
_How long had she been down there?_ She ran over the time since she had awoken in her mind. She had no idea how long she had trudged through the snow, an hour, maybe two? But before that she couldn’t have been in the corridors for more than half an hour maybe?  
  
The doors hissed open again and the Doctor waltzed in staring at the pair with a slightly uncomfortable look. He cleared his throat, “Lieutenant,” he prompted.  
  
B’Elanna released Kathryn and joined the Doctor on one of the other bio-beds with a huff.  
  
“I assume you’ve been eating the nutritional supplements I’ve suggested,” the Doctor began as B’Elanna pulled herself up onto the bio-bed.  
  
The glowered at him, “yes, Doctor, just like the last three times you’ve asked,” she almost spat.  
  
Kathryn tried not to laugh as she pushed herself off her own bio-bed to test her legs. She was still a little groggy and her legs weren’t one hundred percent, but she figured that now, while the Doctor was distracted with another patient, was her chance to escape. She stretched lightly waiting for the hologram to begin his scans, before moving for the door.  
  
B’Elanna glanced up at her with a minuscule smile and huffed loudly, “I don’t know why you need to see me every other day Doctor, I’m doing fine, the baby’s doing _fine!_ ” she griped noisily.  
  
Kathryn mouthed her thanks and made a break for the hall before the Doctor could object.  
  
She grinned as the doors hissed shut behind her, feeling more than a little juvenile. He would certainly try to drag her back there later, but for now she was free. Crossing the hall she entered the sickbay bathroom and ordered a new uniform to change into.  
  
The afternoon was hers, or hers until the Doctor decided to try drag her back to sickbay. She only pondered for a short moment what she wanted to do with her freedom. She would go on a deck by deck visit to talk to as many members of the crew as she could fit into the time between now and dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd really love to know when you figured it out, was there too much hinting, not enough? The aim was to get you curious somewhere around her first conversation with Voyager...
> 
> Pretty please let me know :) it'll help me in future stories!
> 
> Did I mention how pretty you are today?


	4. Chapter 4

Kathryn’s meanderings took her all over the ship and she did as planned, speaking at least briefly with every crew member she bumped into.  
  
Samantha Wildman told her a wondrous story of Naomi’s first lessons in biochemistry with the Doctor. She had been eager, but easily distracted causing the Doctor quite a lot of frustration as she flittered from subject to subject.  
  
She bumped into Mike Ayala next who was overjoyed to tell the story of his wife, who had been a contractor working on Trebus, incidentally how he had met Chakotay. She had loved the planet so much that she tried to convince him to move there. He recounted a story of her forcing him to walk through the blistering heat, to a canyon near the settlement she had been working with. All the while she pointed out every beautiful stone, bush, tree and creature trying to sway him to agree with her appeals to move there.  
  
Neelix told her stories of his youth and playing with his sisters on Prixan, enjoying the familial celebration and certainly the gifts.  
  
She heard a dozen other tales of Chell’s parents taking him to Ceropa for the first time, Nicoletti’s obsession with oil painting and Jarvin’s desire to learn a musical instrument. She also heard stories from both Delaney twins about their childhood and about Lieutenant Carey’s desire to become a writer – possibly starting with Voyager’s story.  
  
At seventeen hundred the Doctor called her, snapping that she should really be in sickbay, resting. She agreed to return only for a brief check, so he could make certain her brain wasn’t leaking out of her ears, or some such nonsense. Begrudgingly he accepted, though he attempted to keep her there once again, when she arrived.  
  
She refused, vehemently. She had a date after all, one she wasn’t going to miss, for all the world. Not that she told the Doctor that of course. She did however make a point to ask whether all of her immune boosters and other such shots were up to date, which shocked the hologram to no end. Not all of them had been and he delighted in giving her the three that had lapsed, obviously feeling quite good about himself for convincing her to take her health more seriously.  
  
Her ulterior motive slipped past him thankfully, she was certain he’d figure it out at some point, but hopefully that wouldn’t be until her next physical.  
  
After he was finished she exited, despite his protest. She needed to get ready and she felt fine, in fact, she felt better than she had in and she felt fine, in fact, she felt better than she had in years.  
  
Her typical dinner dates with Chakotay started at nineteen hundred, though she’d forgotten to ask whether he’d like to cook or whether he wanted to brave something she attempted. Either way though she wanted to shower and change.  
  
She made her way to her quarters and selected one of the dresses she’d stuffed in the back of her cupboard years ago, cleaning it in the refreshing unit, before taking a quick sonic shower.  
  
Her door chimed just as she was adjusting her makeup and she smiled warmly at the thought of dinner with Chakotay. Today she had been given a gift and she intended not to squander it.  
  
Exiting her bathroom, she moved toward the table and began to straighten the place settings, “come,” she authorised.  
  
The doors opened and if she’d had her doubts that Chakotay was a mind reader before this day, they were swiftly shoved aside when she saw him. He too wore civilian clothing and she couldn’t help but smile. The dark brown vest over a cream shirt and dark pants suited him perfectly. He also carried another tray with two plates and yet another rose.  
  
“I wasn’t sure how you’d be feeling after – today, but I thought spinach and feta cannelloni might be alright?” he asked as he placed the tray on the table.  
  
She smiled as the delicious scent found its way to her. She was starving to be honest, the soup had barely sated her and she welcomed the heavier meal. “It smells incredible,” she told him.  
  
He took one of the two bottles of wine she’d replicated and poured their glasses with an almost smug grin. She didn’t mind, he could be as smug as he wanted, right now, he could do just about _anything_ he wanted and she’d barely have batted an eyelid.  
  
Taking her usual seat across from the replicator she sat and manoeuvred her plate toward herself.  
  
Chakotay took his seat and smiled again at her.  
  
“What?”  
  
“You look like you’re ready to eat the plate and maybe the table too,” he joked.  
  
She blinked realising her cutlery was already wrapped in her hands. She hadn’t even realised she’d picked them up; she must have appeared rather impatient. “And I will, if you don’t hurry up,” she retorted with a broad grin.  
  
He chuckled taking his own plate off the tray before picking up his own knife and fork. “Don’t let it get cold,” he nodded toward the plate almost pulling off a flat stare, but laughed at her pinch-lipped reaction.  
  
She took a bite of the dinner enjoying the rich flavour of the dish. He truly was an excellent cook and if she wasn’t too busy shoving food in her mouth, she might have complimented him.  
  
“So, if I remember correctly you owe me a story,” he said, taking a sip of his wine.  
  
Kathryn stared at him for a second indicating her plate with her fork, “food first,” she managed.  
  
He shook his head laughing, “Well, I’m glad you like it, but don’t send yourself back to sickbay for it.”  
  
Realising that in the space of about a minute she’d already polished off nearly half of her plate, she took a deep breath and set her cutlery down, finishing the last of her mouthful.  
  
His grin deepened as he took another sip of wine.  
  
She did the same, giving her food a chance to settle. “Alright,” she agreed with the sudden realisation that she was now full.  
  
Chakotay sat up attentively, putting down his own cutlery. He wrapped his fingers around the stem of his wine glass and held it, patiently waiting for her to begin her story. She knew the tactic well, she’d employed it many times over the years, take a drink to hide your reaction. Her own glass she moved to the side, she wanted him to know there would be no dodging, no pretence – she would shoot straight from the hip. He noticed immediately, of course and met her eyes with a tentative smile.  
  
“So, how did you manage to beat an entire base of angry, belligerent aliens? Alone, no less,” he asked as though trying to fill the silence.  
  
She smiled at his phrasing, “I wasn’t alone,” she replied steadily.  
  
His lips drew into a thin line and his brow furrowed curiously.  
  
“When I woke I was in a dark room filled with smoke, there was someone with me,” she told him. It now occurred to her just how crazy this all seemed; he may very well laugh in her face and call the Doctor. No, she knew him well; he knew she’d had a head wound and that she’d had no idea where she was.  
  
He licked his lips almost nervously as he waited for her to continue.  
  
“He helped me, encouraged me to find a communications device, and led me through the facility,” she continued.  
  
Chakotay’s brow creased slightly as she spoke before he gave a glimmer of recognition, “Tuvok said that you referred to someone else being with you, when you contacted the ship, the first time. He wasn’t sure though, because you kept breaking up,” he said slowly.  
  
“Did he tell you who it was?” she asked curiously. She was certain Tuvok and probably the bridge crew had heard her refer to Chakotay.  
  
He shook his head, “no, one of the Ambassador’s men?” he asked. As though on cue Chakotay took a sip of his wine and she had to bite back a smile.  
  
She shook her head in response, “no,” she sighed, trying to figure out how to tell him without making him doubt her sanity. “Though I didn’t remember what had happened, some part of my mind must have,” she began before clearing her throat. “Some part of me must have remembered you walking into that room – before the explosion,” she stated.  
  
His expression turned to a curious mix of concern and confusion, but he didn’t speak.  
  
“When I woke up, you were there,” she revealed keeping her expression as blank as she could manage.  
  
He drew a steady breath and blinked, as though running her words through his mind, after a moment he nodded, “I lied, Tuvok told me you said ‘commander’,” he confessed with a small smile.  
  
She grimaced at the implication, _so the whole bridge_ had _heard her._  
  
“Didn’t you wonder why I wasn’t helping you?” he asked curiously.  
  
She sniffed amusedly, “at first you appeared to be carrying the Ambassador,” she replied. “I was too concussed to really question anything to be honest – I could barely walk,” she admitted.  
  
His concern deepened and he seemed to be silently admonishing himself, she didn’t want that, this was meant to be a positive story. She reached out and placed a hand on his, giving him a small, comforting smile.  
  
“Every time I stopped moving, you were there, encouraging me to keep going,” she attempted to allay his concerns.  
  
“Why were you so startled when you woke up then?” he questioned. She could tell he was still berating himself for some perceived grievance, his brow was tight and his lips drawn.  
  
Her eyes flicked to the table for a moment and she had to swallow past the lump that had just formed. “When I made it out of the facility I was freezing, I could barely move, I guess my mind couldn’t really hold onto the illusion anymore – either that or the cold sobered me somewhat.” She forced herself to look up, “I noticed you weren’t carrying the Ambassador anymore.”  
  
His hand turned around and he squeezed hers gently.  
  
“Whatever part of my mind remembered the incident must have thought you were dead, you -” she gave a small, if distraught smile not, really wanting to think about it. “Or my hallucination of you, told me that you died in the blast. I was – devastated,” The lump in her throat grew, even though he was with her now, the thought of his death still agonised.  
  
“I’m sorry I wasn’t actually there for you,” he whispered.  
  
She shook her head and smiled again, “but you were,” she told him.  
  
“That wasn’t really me,” he objected.  
  
“No, but he did what I knew you would do. He encouraged me to get out of there, he stuck by my side and didn’t allow me to give up,” she countered.  
  
Chakotay blinked, obviously unsure how to take what she was saying.  
  
“If you weren’t there, I never would have made it back to Voyager,” she stated certainly.  
  
“I wasn’t there, Kathryn, you did this on your own,” he told her. At first she thought he was angry, but there was a meaningful glimmer in his eyes.  
  
She drew an unsteady breath, “when I discovered that you were an hallucination, I asked him why he was still there,” she continued. His eyes flickered to their hands, “do you know what he said?” she husked. If he replied the way she thought, then her evening would become a whole lot easier.  
  
“I’ll always be there for you,” he affirmed, immediately.  
  
With a smile she squeezed his hand as answer and he laced his fingers with hers. “I meant that, you know,” he revealed in a quiet tone, “I _will always_ be by your side.”  
  
The voice in her mind that normally told her to run, at this point, still screamed away, but her head injury must have dulled it considerably. She slammed the door on it once and for all, hearing nothing but the blissful yearning from the rest of her being.  
  
She knew _now_ that she could do this with him or without him and that was the important thing. In her heart she’d always known that if they were together they would make their command work. But there had been that frightening thought that, should anything happen to him, she would break, she feared that possibility anyway. Of course, she didn’t want to be here without him, not for another minute.  
  
She glanced briefly at their intertwined hands and then back to him. There was a sad acceptance behind his smile, as though he was afraid she would pull away again. Instead she rubbed her thumb over his, and smiled, “I know,” she breathed.  
  
He blinked in surprise.  
  
“I’ve _always_ , known,” she responded with a playful smile.  
  
She knew the ball was firmly in her court, so to speak, Chakotay would never make the first move. He understood her need to adhere to the mythic protocol she’d touted so long ago.  
  
The real question was how did she progress this? She feared being overly analytical, she wanted to make sure that everything that happened between them from now, was from the heart. She couldn’t bear to sound anything but sincere and in love, as she was.  
  
This moment reminded her of their time on New Earth, the table, the hand holding. She realised that if it hadn’t been for the table, she’d probably have kissed him there and then. She glanced at it now wondering whether it was still presenting the same issue.  
  
Standing she pulled his arm up indicating for him to join her, he did so, obviously not deigning to break his promise already.  
  
Her heart fluttered as she stood in front of him, close. He wore a small smile that carried with it the sincere warmth that had kept her going all these years.  
  
“I always want you to be there,” she divulged with a nervous intake of breath. Her eyes flicked briefly to his lips, as they so often did. Those ‘oh so very kissable’ lips had had her on the back foot since their first meeting. “I know now, that I can do this without you, Chakotay,” she whispered, “but I don’t want to anymore.”  
  
The delicate smile that touched his lips, took her breath away. His free hand moved to her cheek and she closed her eyes resting her head into his comforting embrace.  
  
“Are you sure you want this, Kathryn?” he asked with a tentative care. Regardless of her answer she felt him drawing closer, his lips barely an inch from hers.  
  
She found herself nodding, unable to articulate anything more than a breathy syllable.  
  
He drew closer, lips touching hers in a delicate caress. His lips were every bit as supple and succulent as she’d always imagined, more so. His kiss spoke every word of affection and devotion he’d kept for so many years. She just hoped she could convey her own love as effectively.  
  
She tasted his lips with her tongue, his meeting hers with an eager desire, soon after.  
  
As though with a will of their own her hands began to disrobe him; vest and shirt fell to the floor before he was even able to make a move. He pulled away giving her a wicked grin.  
  
“It’s been six and a half years,” she muttered, feeling a little embarrassed.  
  
“Oh, I’m not arguing,” he said with a laugh.  
  
“Good.” Her hands ran across his bare chest before she followed with her mouth, kissing slowly across the toned, honey coloured surface.  
  
“Not complaining at all,” he added, breathily.  
  
“Good.”  
  
Six and a half years without a companion had made Kathryn ravenous. She dragged him to her bedroom, though he didn’t put up any kind of fight. As they moved the remainder of their clothes were flung aside haphazardly.  
  
Chakotay didn’t take long to find his nerve; his hands began to wander her across the skin of her back, over her breasts, her thighs. He seemed to want to touch every part of her at once. She understood his need. She could hardly focus; her lips would nip his neck, hands running his firm length before moving back to his face, brushing her nails through his hair.  
  
His love blew all expectation or imagination away. He was gentle and sensual. He knew just where she liked to be touched and kissed and he spent a good long while exploring every erogenous zone on her body.  
  
Their desire for one another could scarcely be sated. During the night they woke several times, in one another’s arms to make love. There was no sense of discomfort in his embrace, his touch, his scent felt as natural as if she’d always lived with it, as though they’d always been together.  
  
When sleep finally came, they found an easy rhythm. She fell asleep listening to the sound of his heart beat.

******

Kathryn’s alarm sounded at zero five thirty, the lights switching on to the computer’s announcement.  
  
She still had her head on Chakotay’s chest, his arms held tight around her. As her eyes fluttered open she caressed his arms, feeling the toned muscle under his soft skin.  
  
When his eyes finally opened he grinned down at her, almost smugly. With a finger he brushed a hair from her eyes, “good morning,” he whispered.  
  
“Yes it is,” she agreed.  
  
He gave a small laugh and leaned forward kissing, her forehead lightly.  
  
“We should probably get ready for work,” Chakotay pointed out.  
  
Kathryn responded by turning her head and kissing his chest, touching his golden skin with her tongue in a teasing caress.  
  
“You’re right; we can be a little late.”


End file.
